Britney: 2007 VMAs, The Theory

OK let's talk about it people. If you know anything at all about me, it is that I am one heck of a Britney fan.

It all started back in 2000 when my best friend, Kelli, and I came out of the closet with our Brit Brit loving. We were first in line on any release day of her albums. And we didn't buy one copy and burn it either...we each wanted our very own copy complete with pictures and shout outs.

In 2002, Kelli and I traveled from Tallahassee to Miami for Britney's concert. We paid a whopping $350.00 EACH to sit in the 3 rd row. The single best concert we have EVER been to! Seriously! People can whine and complain about how Britney can't sing. But in all fairness, I am not sure she ever claimed she could? She is a performer! And a damn good one too!

I submit to you that this is not the end of Britney Spears! No! She will have her comeback, last night was just simply not it. In all her years of performing this is the one and only single time I have not seen her "kill it." So I will give her a pass. A lot of you are probably thinking 'no' but I bet you are taking her personal life into account here....don't do that, that is not our problem or our business...just look at her performances and videos. She has ALWAYS delivered! (Hit Me Baby One More Time, Oops I Did it Again, Slave, Boys, Toxic, Me Against the Music....I could be here all day people!)

So, let's get into the meat of today's discussion. How badly Britney bombed at the VMAs.....

Let's first outline the complaints:

1. She looked fat.
2. She lipsynched.
3. She didn't lipsynch.
4. She almost tripped.
5. She looked like she didn't know what she was doing.
6. She didn't look like she wanted to be there.
7. She didn't know the routine or really have much of a routine.

Now let's talk about a few of them.

1. She looked fat.

Seriously? Do you look better in a bra and panties? Did you just have 2 kids? Was your last one under a year ago? If your answers are yes and yes, then I applaud you, but I will be the judge of that! I bet a lot of people who claim yes - are not so much. I have yet to have A child, let alone 2 and I will kill to look like her!

I will admit that I feel there were certain times where it almost looked like she was pushing her tummy out causing unflattering angles (similar to the photo below), but I think those could easily be fixed by just improving her posture. I further admit that while she is NOT fat, there is a more flattering outfit out there for her somewhere and she should have opted to wear something different.

But please people....do NOT call her fat! It is an absurd statement and I just won't tolerate that at all!

2. She lipsynched.

I won't tolerate this business either. MOST people lipsynch. Especially if you are a performer who incorporates dancing. It is virtually impossible to dance at the (usual) level that Britney does without becoming winded and unable to sing. So either you get a non-dancer who sings, or a dancer who gives you the whole package. What does it matter? It is still her voice. So while you can argue that she is not a good lipsyncher, you need to throw out the complaint that she participates in the act.

4. She almost tripped.

Is this the best you got? Get over it! People trip - do we remember Miss USA? Carrie Bradshaw on the runway anyone? I find this argument weak also. Also, there is supposed evidence that the heel to her shoe was breaking, but we will wait to hear more on that one.

Now you will notice I skipped some numbers....they come into play in a moment.

There are 2 stories circulating. I am a subscriber to one theory and I plan to keep my ears open for more information confirming this theory.

Theory #1: Britney knew that Sarah Silverman was planning on making fun of her children and so she sort of copped out.

I do not believe this as a viable excuse for the pop star's poor performance.

Theory #2: Due to the secrecy Britney and Chriss Angel were trying to maintain about the details of the opening, the VMAs were unaware of the routine. The VMAs demanded to be made aware of what the songstress had planned and upon hearing the details, told her due to insurance/liability reasons, they could not allow it. This left Britney without the bulk of her planned routine.

This report was brought to us from Kelli from Atlanta, who heard it on her local radio station and quite frankly, I am buying what she is selling!

Let's look at the clues:

- We knew that Chriss Angel had been working with Britney for WEEKS and yet, we saw zero magic performed in the opening.

- Britney didn't know her routine and looked like she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe, just maybe that is because she had to come up with a new one a few mere hours before she was due to go on. In light of this, I commend Britney for going through with it. She could have pulled diva behaviour and backed out, but she soldiered on!

- She looked like she didn't want to be there - well no crap! If the VMAs put a monkey wrench in what was being called my "come back" then I would be pissy too!

- If you look back, you will notice that Britney, almost humbly, mouthed 'thank you' to the crowd after the routine was over. I think this thank you was more of an "I'm sorry" as speculated by Perez Hilton. While I agree with Perez that she was saying sorry and that she knew she sucked, I disagree with Perez about the reasoning behind it. I don't think it was because she was out all week partying. Brit had to have known that too much was riding on this performance. I think she was saying, "I'm sorry, this was the best I could do under these circumstances...I just got screwed over by the VMAs and now I am going to suffer for it." Go back to the TiVo and watch the "thank you" with that thought in mind and it will make absolute sense!

So that is my story and I am sticking to it!

Also I would like to point out that Britney has never:

A. Been arrested unlike many a young celebs; or

B. Released a sex video.

I would also like to point out that everyone is super hard on her! A few weeks ago, Brit was photographed with her children on a yacht and the children did not have life preservers on. People made their judgmental comments (biotches). Later that week, Courtney Cox and David Arquette had their daughter Coco on a friggin kayak without a life preserver and they got praised for having such a close knit family. That annoyed me!

Despite all that I have said, I will not forgive Brit for opting just not to lipsynch the majority of the song. It's HER song, she should know it. So on that point, I will agree :)

I believe she needs to hire a stylist, a personal assistant and a better publicist (I am available for any or ALL of those jobs Brit!!), but I also believe she has a come back in her. I have the utmost confidence in our girl Brit.

And yes, I am aware that I had to carve out time in my evening to do this post, and that may potentially mean that I am a loser, but I am tired of people giving her a hard time! Remember, every time you point a finger there are 3 pointing back at YOU! (try it)

So let's sign off remembering all the OTHER VMA performances that she did a great job at: