Happy Valentine's Day! A Litte Early.

Bless my husband's heart, he doesn't have a romantic bone in his lovable body!! Typically, we don't do gifts for Valentine's Day, but this year we did things a bit differently. I got him the best tickets we have ever had to go to Detroit Red Wings game this past weekend and he got me this fabulous laptop.

I really love it! I do, it is a tiny step in the romantic direction from the eliptical machine he got me last Valentine's Day. My husband is a very practical person. At first I wasn't super excited about a laptop, but it is soooo pretty and shiny and yet fashionable! The color is called champagne and you know that I love me the bubbly!

So I am now happily blogging from my couch watching American Idol! Who knew life could be so great. I thought for sure I was an unwaivering PC fan!! Also this bad girl makes shopping online so much more convenient :)

So it is with optimism that I say I shall be blogging more often and hope to change the looks of my blog soon. Stay tuned.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with love and canoodling with your special someone!

Happy 2008!

Happy New Year, everyone!!

It has been pointed out by many that I have not been updating my blog as often as I should and I whole-heartedly agree! I bet there are thousands of bloggers out there that have vowed to update their blogs more often in 2008 and I suppose I should throw my hat into that ring!

To update you on my where abouts, my husband and I went to Florida to visit my parents for Christmas and MY BIRTHDAY on the 21st of December. We spent one full week in Florida (and with painfully limited internet access) and came back on the 29th. We got to spend one night in our own beds before driving three hours north to my husband's grandparent's home. They were watching our 4 beloved dogs and we needed to collect them (it is amazing how much their annoying little mugs were missed). We spent two days there, including New Years and got back home yesterday.

Today I am back in the office with a cold :( I am not thrilled to be back at work, but I am thrilled to be back in the normal swing of things.

I have a TON of things to do to get completely back to normal including a load of work on my desk, a ton of bills to get paid and a house to organize.

Keep your eyes out for the following blog entries:

1) Happy Birthday to me post (might take some time on this one);

2) Christmas presents;

3) Birthday presents;

4) Ashley's Wedding (embarrassingly overdue. I have it all written. I just need to choose which out of all the wonderful pictures there are to include to give you the best little peek into the trip); and last, but not least,

5) Choo of the Week is coming back!

As far as resolutions, I don't really have any. I know myself too well and I just will not stick to them. The one thing I will say is just overall organization. That seems to be at the root of all my issues, so if I work on that as a whole (you would be surprised how many things that go wrong bring you back to the fact that you just don't have your crap together), I think the rest of my life will follow accordingly.

What are yours?

Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Oh my goodness! I have been SUCH a bad blogger. As you know, I have been working two jobs and along with that and the rush of holiday card orders off of my website, I have been beyond busy! Luckily the holiday hustle and bustle is coming to a close, so I thought I would stop by and say hello.

This is just a quick entry to show you all my pathetic little tree :). My husband and I do not spend Christmas at home, so we don't buy a tree. I cannot tell you how excited I am though, for the day that we purchase our first tree as a couple.

Oh, YES! It rotates! Don't you worry! This is no ordinary wire tree!

Since this was our first Christmas together in wedded bliss, I felt we needed something to put the Christmas cheer in our house and allow us to start collecting ornaments, like this "Our 1st Christmas" ornament below.

This photo below is my attempt at showing you the lovely surprise we got from the yet to be blogged about Mr. and Mrs., whose wedding I recently attended in the Bahamas! When I got home from a long day of flying, a package was waiting for me from the happy couple. Inside was an ornament filled with sand and shells with a cute little poem attached! It was so thoughtful and I was thrilled to have another ornamenet on our "tree."

So, I'm sorry that I have been a bad blogger! I still have Thansgiving photos to share, Seriously Co-Worker posts, along with Ashley's wedding photos! I have a few entries started in that regard, I just need to take the time to finish them! Hopefully I can do it all before Christmas so I will be back on track for the New Year and all the blogger resolutions that come along with it!

MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Happy Birthday to Meeee, Happy Birthday to Meeeee.....

Okay, I know my birthday is not until the 25th, but typically, I am celebrate my birthday SEASON since it coincides with the Holiday season.

Also, today SHOULD HAVE BEEN my birthday!! I was due on December 7th! So my name might have been Pearl! Every year around the 7th, Pearl comes out to play. So if you are doing your math, I was 18 days late! Poor Mom! I was a 9 pound baby because as far as I was concerned, I should have been 2 weeks old already and growing up!

I know it sounds silly, but my mom still does a mini celebration on my "birthday" (the 7th) since I have to share my actual birthday with everyone that celebrates Christmas. Oh, and Jesus!

In his old age, my dad is getting cheaper and cheaper by the year which has resulted in me getting a "secret gift" from my mother. Shhhhh!

So anyway, this year I received the following Cole Haan beauties for my secret December 7th birthday gift:

The shoes are adorable! They are patent and suede! Just what I need to cheer me up with the bleh weather we are having!


Christmas is almost here - so check in often as I will attempt to post some gift ideas for this holiday season!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEE!

Meet My Friends

I am not even sure how to sum up the wedding I had the priviledge of attending this Thanksgiving Day weekend. Accompanied by Chrissy, Rachel, Marcie, Kemely and Emily, we attended the waterside nuptials of our dear friend, Ashley, in the Bahamas. But before I try to post about what an amazing time we had, I will post seperately about this first, because this is a sort of serious tribute to these ladies and Ashley deserves a post all about herself and all about her beautiful wedding.

Some of my hometown and college friends wonder where these names came from? And rightfully so since I don't talk about them in real life too often. However, more and more their names come up naturally in my everday discussions and so it is about time I shed some light on our friendships.

Admittedly, we all met under odd and even dorky circumstances. We were all engaged around the same time in late 2005/early 2006 and subsequently were all planning late 2006 or 2007 destination weddings. As you know, my wedding was not destination, but logistically, it was out of town for me and so that is where these women came in handy. I started chatting with these girls through the wonder that is The Knot about favors, dresses, and how to get your dress on a plane. With all of us bouncing ideas back and forth daily, it was only natural that conversations took a turn to include personal information about ourselves. How many siblings did we have, what did our fiance's/husbands do, is anyone else's mother-in-law driving each other crazy? Et cetera. So yes, I have Internet friends. There! I said it!

I have grown to know these women over the past year and while some will say, "How can you form real friendships that way?" or "They are not your friend, I am your friend." I say to you that these women have checked in on me non-stop. They have followed up when I had a bad day or personal problems, and they have shared their entire lives with me throughout this time. So yes, prior to meeting them in person, I did/do count them as real life friends. They are just as important to me as any friend could be and the more I get to talk to them the more that friendship grows.

If you are my sorority sister, or have ever been in a sorority or fraternity of your own, you can understand how bonds are formed in a blink of an eye and how you are sort of taken aback at how one common thread can hold a group together. It is the same exact sort of thing that I experienced being a part of Kappa Delta.

So from now on, I will no longer be saying the words, "Ashley, she's my friend from The Knot, said that...." [insert appropriate name]. So learn their names and adjust people! ;)

To Ashley, Chrissy, Rachel, Marcie, Kemely and Emily, I am so happy to have been able to get to know you over the past year plus, and I am thrilled to have been able to share this past weekend with you. I "get" the MSP thing now and why you all felt so bonded. So I guess I am late on all of the warm and fuzzies and that you all are ahead of my game, but I just adore you all and had the most fun I have had this weekend since my wedding!! So thank you for that! I am so lucky to have you all to lean on!

As we know, there are others like the above mentioned girls that hopefully one day I will get to see too and after seeing how wonderful it was to spend time with the others, I am that much more eager to see you all again or for the first time.

So before I blog about the most amazing wedding I have ever attended -- Come! Meet my friends!

Marcie, Ashley, Kemely, Chrissy, STACY, Rachel and Emily!

8 DAYS!!!!

Just 8 short days until I will be setting sail on a big old boat with an umbrella drink in my hands and with friends by my side!!! I am SO very excited!

And a mere 7 days until I get to see my mom, dad, brothers, neices and nephew, and of course, Tom the Turkey.


GET EXCITED GIRLIES!

Life Update

It has been a while since I updated my readers on my life. As you can probably tell from my less than active posting, I have been pretty busy!

First, I accepted a 2nd job doing some typing work from home!! I literally do not have a moment to myself, but oddly, I am enjoying working so much!

Secondly, and possibly more exciting, I finally got my Carlson Craft website going!! Just in time for all the holiday card purchases!

Visit me at: http://www.wedcraft.cceasy.com/

Holiday cards are already 20% off (price reflected at check out), but if you use the promo code CHOOS, you can receive an additional 10% off. Just put "CHOOS" in the special instructions section. You can actually receive that discount on anything on the site, not just Holiday cards.

Here are just some examples of the pages upon pages of options!

Holiday Cards:

Wedding Invitations:

Baby Announcements:

And Personal Stationery:

Just as a heads up, you make your order without giving any payment information (so it will seem odd to you). I will then send you a Paypal payment request. Once payment is received, the order is processed for shipping.

If you received one of my pretty Christmas cards last year, you know that they are great quality and super fun and festive!!

I am really excited about this new venture and I hope it takes off for me. Please forward my link on to any budget conscious brides you may know, or any families or companies needing to order their Christmas cards! Production time is really prompt!

Thanks for taking a look!

To Make You Smile

On a day that was just ho-hum at best, this really made me laugh.
To clarify, I am not laughing just because she is about to fall, but because I saw this outfit earlier today and detested it. So the fact that the fashion gods are trying to send her a message...THAT is what makes me smile!!

Good News

Thanks to everyone who has been keeping my family in their thoughts! If you didn't know, we had a bit of a cancer scar with regard to Gordon the beefcake. It was a long 5 days of waiting, but the test results came back today and our big man is in the clear!! Needless to say, we are beyond thrilled and shed some joyful tears at the news.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support :) So in honor of our cancer free wiggle worm, here are some Gordo pics:

You Bluffin'?

So last night was interesting in our household to say the least. My husband got home from work late so I was a bit annoyed with him (understatement) when he waltzed in.

Each of us were trying to prove our points without actually fighting - which is quite the challenge for us! So there was a lot of heavy banter borderlining on smart assism (new word, like it?). Now, let's not get into the details. All you need to know is that I was feeling neglected.....and then, in streak of unluckiness, I fell down the stairs. I didn't fall full out, I really just missed the last step, but it made quite the commotion you would have thought there were broken bones. I rolled my ankle and screamed out. My husband didn't care! I hobbled up the stairs in the most pathetic manner imaginable and still received zero sympathy. So since I was already annoyed (again to say the least - truthfully I was downright ticked), I decided to scream "ouch" again to see if he would pay attention this time.

Still nada.

Now, by this point, my ankle pain had subsided, I'll admit it. It still did hurt, but I could have moved on with my life if I wanted to. Then my husband said, well let me see what we can do since I promised to take care of you "in fakeness and in health." Clearly I couldn't let him get away with calling me a faker! I had to soldier on and stick to my guns that I was injured. So I teetered over to him and he, in an exaggerated faker voice, pretended to care that I fell. He offered to take me to the ER (attempting to call my bluff) but I respectfully declined.

Keep in mind we both know the other is full of it. He is very much aware that my ankle doesn't hurt and I am very much aware that he knows this and wouldn't care if it did hurt. But we both had a point to prove.

So he ushers me to the chair, elevates my foot in the most dramatic fashion imaginable and then runs to the freezer (crap!).

Me: Hon, what are you doing?

H: Getting you ice!

Me: Oh, okay.

H: Well don't you think that is a good idea? You are so injured we don't want it to swell.

Me: Um....yeah, that is a great idea. I should have thought of that!

I couldn't possibly back down now. We are both trying not to laugh our rear ends off - it was soooo hard. It was a stand off. Eyes squinted, corner of our mouths turned up sort of stand off!

So I think in my head, I can wear an ice pack to prove my point...but my husband had other plans in store. He gets one bag of ice, fine. Then he gets another bag of ice!! Then he gets gauze!! He then proceeds to put a pack of ice on each side of my ankle and encase the entire foot in gauze so I couldn't escape the ice. I had no choice but to keep the charade up!

[Chrissy if you are reading, I think you get this whole story line and why it had to go down the way it did. You have no idea how annoyed I was that he wasn't "saying uncle."]

Ever so kindly he escorts me down the stairs. Every 30 seconds he asks me if the ice is too cold and I assure him that ice can never be too cold if it will cure my pain :) Oh yes, I am good. He is getting irked by now. He grabs my ankle and squeezes it with all his might telling me compression is good when he is really just trying to get me to cave because of the freezing ice. I didn't budge an inch (because at this point, I am just flat out numb)!

Then comes the Healthy Choice steam bowl commercial debate over whether I made my dinner correctly based on the procedure performed during the commercial (we were watching Dancing with the Stars. My choice since I was in so much pain :). Confusing, I know, but stick with me. Luckily for TiVo I tell him I would be willing to rewind to see who is right if he wants to place a friendly wager. He says that I can take my ice pack off if I am right.

bleep bleep ::TiVo rewind sound:: and guess who is right! ME!

So the ice comes off and by this time we are laughing hysterically. He decides he should test my range of motion to which I decide to give it one last shot and wince at the insurmountable pain caused by flexing my foot. At that point, I think he might have started to have doubts about my faking! I will never verbally confirm with him that it didn't hurt that bad - that would make me a loser.

I realize how juvenile this all sounds...I get it. But trust me it made sense to us based on our previous arguments, etc. And it was all in good fun. I wouldn't have even bored you with the story, but I had some cute pictures to go along with it. Our dog, Bailey, is very intuitive when something is wrong and he was very concerned for me. He clearly wanted to take my pain away:

OK I know that was both confusing and stupid, but I have one heck of a cute pup don't I?

Eric/Ethan Comment Watch

Sadly, it is not happening. He (or his assistant) has logged on since my comment and a bunch of crazies have pushed my comment way down the page...I am probably not even on the first page anymore. Seriously, one girl told him that she named her son after him.....Seriously? I am NOT one of them crazy soap fans -- so to prove my point, I hereby give up. Farewell my dear!

Eric/Ethan Friend Watch

Ok Eric/Ethan added me as a friend on MySpace. Granted he adds everyone, but it is a step in the right direction. I commented to him, so let's see if he comments back (wishful thinking). So we are officially OFF Operation Friend Watch and ON Operation Comment Back Watch.

Stay Tuned.

Eye Candy and a Thank You!

Let me preface this post by making it clear that I am not a psycho fan. I have never had the crazy Brad Pitt crush and the like. However, there are two people that I find pretty darn exquisite in this world and I do get "little girl like" over. They are:

Days of Our Lives soap star James Scott (AKA "EJ Wells").

AND

Passions soap star Eric Martsolf (AKA "Ethan" of the Ethan and Teresa phenomenon referred to as "ET").

[Note that the backgrounds in both pictures are the same so that means there was a whole lotta hottness on set that day!]

Anyway, this post is more about the amazingness of people and womankind!

I was chatting with Sarah, who I have never met but have been lucky enough to get to know through the wonder that is The Knot and through our wedding planning adventures, quite awhile back and somehow we got on the topic of Passions. I think it all stemmed from our mutual affection for Days of Our Lives if I am not mistaken, and it snowballed from there.

Sarah's husband is in the Broadway show, Jersey Boys, and she is one lucky duck of a wife who gets to travel around the U.S.A., with her hubby supporting him and watching his shows. Doesn't that sound like the life? Anyway, she mentioned that she has seen Eric Martsolf backstage at the show! Seriously? If only you could have seen me! I was ready to book a flight out to California to see her (and Eric :::sigh:::) that instant! I was pretty sure Sarah would let me ride her coattails back stage and gawk :) And seriously? Who wouldn't gawk at this?

[Note: He Eric/Ethan is married, and no I don't have any fatal attraction like tendencies or unrealistic expectations. I really just wanted to meet him in a non-psycho manner. period.]

Getting back to my desire to head to west...you can only imagine my husband's face when I told him I wanted to go to California to visit a girl that I really like even though I have never met...but in addition to her coolness, I really want to meet a soap star that spends most of his days shirtless. It did NOT go well. He told me I can get together with Sarah when/if she ever moves back to Michigan and until then, no hunks for me. BOO! I think it always shocked my husband when we play "who is your celebrity freebie" that mine wasn't some blockbuster name. It almost has the same effect as saying "so and so from my office."

Fast forward I would guess two months? Whatever the time frame was, enough time had passed for me to forget the association between Sarah, her husband, Jersey Boys and Eric/Ethan and the conversation alltogether. Sarah and her husband had even moved onto another tour location so it was far out of my mind.

So, last week I get a mysterious package in the mail with no return address (drats!). Imagine my surprise when I open it up and find a personalized and signed 8x10 of Eric/Ethan?! I was like, "Where in the world did this come from?" My husband's interest was quite piqued and he was fairly worried that I was teeny bopper enough to join his fan club.

Suddenly it hit me that it was probably Sarah! I emailed her and sure enough she went out of her way to get me an autograph! Apparently she covertly got my address from a friend (sneaky sneaky), and then she or her husband emailed him (to his personal email - gasp!) and gave him my address asking for the favor. How nice is that - coming from someone that doesn't even know me in real life?! It was completely unexpected and even more appreciated! THANK YOU SARAH! I would love to return the favor to you one day, but I don't roll with high falooting celebs like you do ;)

I love out of the blue surprises and this was definitely one of them! I have never had an autograph from any celebrity before so this is my first official one and even better yet, it is actually to me and not just a generic one that is pre-signed.

Now back to the pseudo psycho in me....I was DISCUSSED with Eric/Ethan! For the 2 minutes it took him to autograph that photo, lick the envelope shut, and address said envelope (the writing was the same - I checked), Stacy MyLastName (how specific!) was on Eric/Ethan's mind!! Is that not the craziest thing you have ever heard of?

I just requested to be his friend on MySpace where I plan on thanking him for the mailing...what *IF* he comments back? We are officially on comment watch people! Get ready!

Here is a picture of my autographed picture:

And a close up of the writing :)

I haven't decided where this picture should go as it definitely needs to hold a place of honor! I thought I was going to put in my office at work, but then if I ever want to go to lunch one day and never come back (a girl can dream) then I can't. So I think it is going to get framed and go above my computer at home where I spend way too much time.

So as you can see, that was a whole lotta excitement in my mailbox for one day! ;)

Also, it might bring up a topic for another time: Soap stars....in all their beauty, why are they wasted on the small screen? I just don't get it.

THANK YOU SARAH!!

For the Record...

The trial I was attending is finally over! Since I am not an attorney you wouldn't think that my last two weeks was very tough, but it is! My input is really utilized and put to use. When the attorney is giving his opening statement, it is his voice, but they are MY words. Everything is time sensitive. If you don't object in time you are out of luck. If you remember something after you close your proofs, you are out of luck. I never realized that the seemingly simple task of being alert was so tiresome until my first civil trial. This is my third since we are lucky enough to not have to go to trial often and every time we go, I learn more about the system and figure out more and better ways to be prepared. So it was a busy and stressful two weeks.

Most judges' motto is to "hurry up and wait." Meaning they want you there at 9 a.m., and they want you back from lunch at 1 p.m., knowing that they have other matters to take up and you will have to sit there for a good 45+ minutes. So a good portion of my day is listening to arraignments and sentencings. It is depressing and I am happy that I don't work for a criminal attorney. But while I was watching other matters being handled I began to think that while I don't always agree with the legal system...there are 2 things in the legal/court world that would benefit us in real life: "discovery" and the wonderful "record."

When you file a lawsuit the court gives a set amount of time for discovery. It is a time for you to....come on, work with me.....discover what the other party's stance is on certain topics and then decide if you want to get into that topic on the record when you are in court. Most of the time this is in the form of written interrogatories or even better, depositions.

Think of how helpful discovery would be in your life. For instance - IF I had the liberty of discovery I could find out how ticked off my husband would be if I opted NOT to go to his mother's birthday party tonight. If I discovered that this would not make him happy, I simply wouldn't bring it up on the record. Even better is when the answer on the record in court is different than what is discovered during a deposition. If this happens, you can then use the discovery deposition to impeach the other person making them look like a liar. Think of how many arguments this would prevent!! People would never surprise you with their answers in an effort to not be impeached.

Which brings me to "the record." All day long in court we are "back on the record" or "off the record." Oh how I wish I had a record of my day to day conversations. My own little court reporter typing away a million words a minute. That way when my husband was surprised (read: angry) that I got a shipment from Nordies the other day, and when I reminded him that I already told him I purchased something and he conveniently didn't remember just so he could stay mad....I could say, "Well, honey let's consult the record. Ah, here it is....On 09-10-07, at 1:13 p.m. I told you that 'I am ordering a dress for Ashley's wedding from Nordstroms today' and you said 'oh really? that's nice.'" I would remind him that there were no objections made on the record at that time so I proceeded with the dress purchasing.

My husband forgets a lot of the things I say - which means he just doesn't listen, doesn't care, or doesn't want to retain the info so he can argue it at a later date when he officially forms his opinion. My opinion is that it is the latter. He often claims to never have specific conversations with me and it drives me MAD! Because I can't prove the conversation took place even though I know full well that it did. If it was all on the record, this would never happen and I think life would have a few less bumps in the road because of this. Makes sense right?

Oh and by the way, the dress does NOT hold in my bust, so the Nordies dress is going back. It is a shame, because if not for that, the dress is super cute (for those of you who remember it - it came in lime green also and would look really cute on someone for the wedding, just not me - BUY it!) but I looked and there is no way to alter it any differently. The search continues and I shall soldier on!

Britney: 2007 VMAs, The Theory

OK let's talk about it people. If you know anything at all about me, it is that I am one heck of a Britney fan.

It all started back in 2000 when my best friend, Kelli, and I came out of the closet with our Brit Brit loving. We were first in line on any release day of her albums. And we didn't buy one copy and burn it either...we each wanted our very own copy complete with pictures and shout outs.

In 2002, Kelli and I traveled from Tallahassee to Miami for Britney's concert. We paid a whopping $350.00 EACH to sit in the 3 rd row. The single best concert we have EVER been to! Seriously! People can whine and complain about how Britney can't sing. But in all fairness, I am not sure she ever claimed she could? She is a performer! And a damn good one too!

I submit to you that this is not the end of Britney Spears! No! She will have her comeback, last night was just simply not it. In all her years of performing this is the one and only single time I have not seen her "kill it." So I will give her a pass. A lot of you are probably thinking 'no' but I bet you are taking her personal life into account here....don't do that, that is not our problem or our business...just look at her performances and videos. She has ALWAYS delivered! (Hit Me Baby One More Time, Oops I Did it Again, Slave, Boys, Toxic, Me Against the Music....I could be here all day people!)

So, let's get into the meat of today's discussion. How badly Britney bombed at the VMAs.....

Let's first outline the complaints:

1. She looked fat.
2. She lipsynched.
3. She didn't lipsynch.
4. She almost tripped.
5. She looked like she didn't know what she was doing.
6. She didn't look like she wanted to be there.
7. She didn't know the routine or really have much of a routine.

Now let's talk about a few of them.

1. She looked fat.

Seriously? Do you look better in a bra and panties? Did you just have 2 kids? Was your last one under a year ago? If your answers are yes and yes, then I applaud you, but I will be the judge of that! I bet a lot of people who claim yes - are not so much. I have yet to have A child, let alone 2 and I will kill to look like her!

I will admit that I feel there were certain times where it almost looked like she was pushing her tummy out causing unflattering angles (similar to the photo below), but I think those could easily be fixed by just improving her posture. I further admit that while she is NOT fat, there is a more flattering outfit out there for her somewhere and she should have opted to wear something different.

But please people....do NOT call her fat! It is an absurd statement and I just won't tolerate that at all!

2. She lipsynched.

I won't tolerate this business either. MOST people lipsynch. Especially if you are a performer who incorporates dancing. It is virtually impossible to dance at the (usual) level that Britney does without becoming winded and unable to sing. So either you get a non-dancer who sings, or a dancer who gives you the whole package. What does it matter? It is still her voice. So while you can argue that she is not a good lipsyncher, you need to throw out the complaint that she participates in the act.

4. She almost tripped.

Is this the best you got? Get over it! People trip - do we remember Miss USA? Carrie Bradshaw on the runway anyone? I find this argument weak also. Also, there is supposed evidence that the heel to her shoe was breaking, but we will wait to hear more on that one.

Now you will notice I skipped some numbers....they come into play in a moment.

There are 2 stories circulating. I am a subscriber to one theory and I plan to keep my ears open for more information confirming this theory.

Theory #1: Britney knew that Sarah Silverman was planning on making fun of her children and so she sort of copped out.

I do not believe this as a viable excuse for the pop star's poor performance.

Theory #2: Due to the secrecy Britney and Chriss Angel were trying to maintain about the details of the opening, the VMAs were unaware of the routine. The VMAs demanded to be made aware of what the songstress had planned and upon hearing the details, told her due to insurance/liability reasons, they could not allow it. This left Britney without the bulk of her planned routine.

This report was brought to us from Kelli from Atlanta, who heard it on her local radio station and quite frankly, I am buying what she is selling!

Let's look at the clues:

- We knew that Chriss Angel had been working with Britney for WEEKS and yet, we saw zero magic performed in the opening.

- Britney didn't know her routine and looked like she didn't know what she was doing. Maybe, just maybe that is because she had to come up with a new one a few mere hours before she was due to go on. In light of this, I commend Britney for going through with it. She could have pulled diva behaviour and backed out, but she soldiered on!

- She looked like she didn't want to be there - well no crap! If the VMAs put a monkey wrench in what was being called my "come back" then I would be pissy too!

- If you look back, you will notice that Britney, almost humbly, mouthed 'thank you' to the crowd after the routine was over. I think this thank you was more of an "I'm sorry" as speculated by Perez Hilton. While I agree with Perez that she was saying sorry and that she knew she sucked, I disagree with Perez about the reasoning behind it. I don't think it was because she was out all week partying. Brit had to have known that too much was riding on this performance. I think she was saying, "I'm sorry, this was the best I could do under these circumstances...I just got screwed over by the VMAs and now I am going to suffer for it." Go back to the TiVo and watch the "thank you" with that thought in mind and it will make absolute sense!

So that is my story and I am sticking to it!

Also I would like to point out that Britney has never:

A. Been arrested unlike many a young celebs; or

B. Released a sex video.

I would also like to point out that everyone is super hard on her! A few weeks ago, Brit was photographed with her children on a yacht and the children did not have life preservers on. People made their judgmental comments (biotches). Later that week, Courtney Cox and David Arquette had their daughter Coco on a friggin kayak without a life preserver and they got praised for having such a close knit family. That annoyed me!

Despite all that I have said, I will not forgive Brit for opting just not to lipsynch the majority of the song. It's HER song, she should know it. So on that point, I will agree :)

I believe she needs to hire a stylist, a personal assistant and a better publicist (I am available for any or ALL of those jobs Brit!!), but I also believe she has a come back in her. I have the utmost confidence in our girl Brit.

And yes, I am aware that I had to carve out time in my evening to do this post, and that may potentially mean that I am a loser, but I am tired of people giving her a hard time! Remember, every time you point a finger there are 3 pointing back at YOU! (try it)

So let's sign off remembering all the OTHER VMA performances that she did a great job at:

Random FYI

This is a segment I like to call Random FYI. Just a random little tidbit about me. They may not make any sense from time to time, but it was just something I was thinking about and had to put it out there. Also I sometimes don't have exact reasons for my feelings on certain subjects. So for today's random FYI -

Words I do NOT like:

• Moist;
• Damp (this one bothers me more than moist);
• Sumptuous;
• Succulent;
• Scrumptious;
• Safety;
• Sample; and
• Supple (this one is a deal breaker).

Where are my shoes?

Just a quick vent on a Friday night: I have recently grown attached to a strange pair of shoes. They aren't strange really. They are just very plain nude wedges that my mother bought me a year ago because she thought I would like them. Well, I hated them and ignored them for one full calendar year. Suddenly, without explanation, I like them now. After a few wearings they became as comfy as my flipper floppers.

Anyway, this isn't the point. I am searching high and low around the house and am mysteriously missing a shoe. It doesn't help that I am frantically trying to get out of the house because I was hungry and my husband was bugging me.

Now - I know better and should have known instantly who to blame. I was just about to give up and move on to another pair (although very flustered over the potential loss) when my husband walked in the door and asked my why he tripped on my shoe in the front yard.

That's right, we are the Clampet's with shoes in our yard! What is next? Tires? And who do we have to thank for this? The culprit is none other than this big fella:

Meet Gordon the Beef Cake! He likes to fit as many items into his mouth as possible and carry them around with them. He has some sort of complex we can only assume goes back to his birth (probably abandonment issues) because when you tell him to come with you out any particular room, he frantically scours the floor and picks up as many things as he can find and brings them with him. I have caught him carrying around phones, remotes, a lot of socks, shoes, etc. He can typically fit about 4 things in his monster mouth. Luckily he is a gentle giant and didn't do any harm to the shoe! His new current favorite thing that he refuses to let us have back is our little circle neck pillow thing for the airport. He REFUSES to let it go. Usually I am careful with my shoes, but I obviously slipped up. What a little brat!

A couple of years ago I put the fear of God into one of our other dogs for chewing my Coach wedges. He maimed them. I took them to the cobbler who insisted they were irreparable. I told the cobbler this wasn't acceptable. He "patched" them up and my right shoe literally looks like Frankenstein's shoe. I can only wear them with pants so you don't see the mangled heel. Since all you can see are my toes it works out fine - whatever.

Anyway, I am getting off track again. I sat all 4 of the dogs down in a row and yelled at them for a good hour. I then constructed shoe shelves up high in my closet as opposed to putting my shoes on my floor. Since that day they have never touched another one of my shoes. But today was obviously the day that speech wore off. I will have to plan out my next "little chat" with them.

Camera 1 or Camera 2?

So, I went to the eye doctor yesterday. It is the first time I have been in years. If you were to ask my mother she would probably cry when forced to bring back the bitter memories of our eye doctor trips when I was younger. I would try to get out of the visit in EVERY way possible. I was a WRETCHED little girl. It was the one time my mother probably muttered to herself how much she hated me (well hopefully not, but if she did - MOM I UNDERSTAND! I forgive you for this and I am sorry). Then once there, I would typically be very rude to the poor old opthamologist (i.e. smarty pants teenage answers that are not really helpful in assessing my overall optical health). Eventually my parents, in a moment of sheer desperation on how to deal with me, got me Lasik Eye Surgery. I think it was just as much for me as it was for them.

If you are ever curious about it and have the funds to do it for yourself, I seriously cannot promote it enough. It was eye opening (pun IS intended. Keep in mind in future reading that intend all my puns and I love to sprinkle them into my day). I began as someone who, without contacts, wouldn't recognize their mother on the street or be able to find their way out of a burning building, to someone who could see crystal clear! It was AMAZING!

Well, in the last few years, my sight has began to weaken. I think I just have one of those sets of eyeballs that are never going to settle...they are just going to keep on fighting the good fight (good luck little buddies!).

So with the brand new luxury of health insurance (compliments of my brand spanking new husband), I made every doctor appointment imaginable. It is like having a credit card! I haven't had insurance in years so this is truly a novelty for me!! I made a girl doctor appointment (or the vaginacologist as one not-so-smart person I did business with really thought they were called), a regular doctor appointment, and an eye doctor appointment.

I knew that my hatred towards the eye doctor wasn't going to change because it is their job to ask me to read the big E and they, for whatever reason, have to make me look through those lenses and do: "Number 1, or Number 2? Number 2 or Number 3? Number 3 or Number 1?" We have all sat there and listened to this pure nonsense and we have all lied to the eye doctor because who the hell knows which one was better - they ALL look the same!! I am sort of convinced that all the lenses ARE the same and that their day is just sooo boring that they like to frustrate unsuspecting blind people. NOT NICE! I don't see that as going over well with the big guy upstairs when their time comes.

So anyway, this visit was no different. The nurse/assistant lady was super nice and when she told me to cover my left eye she said, "WOW you blinded me with your ring!" (insert evil snicker) Nothing makes me happier than getting some props for my ice (insert my theme song: Ice Ice Baby). Luckily I had a really nice doctor. He was young and when I stalled in answering which one was better (No. 6 or No. 7) he said, "They all kind of look the same don't they?" THANK YOU!! YES, they do!

My only main issue is that they dilated my eyes and assured me that I could drive home with my eyes big like saucers. Um...the residents of Saginaw are quite lucky the trip home went as well as it did. They were ALL at risk!

I purchased a pair of Coach glasses. I wasn't thrilled with anything but I tried on all the big wigs. Dolce, Kate Spade, Fendi, Gucci, Dior, etc. The bottom line is glasses are dorky. I resisted the ones with rhinestones or anything too flashy and I went with the ones that I thought my husband would make the least fun of (Coach). I will get them in 2 weeks! Maybe I will take a picture, but I do have my rep to protect and we all know I take myself too seriously to be a goof, so I doubt it. Here is what they sort of look like since I forgot to get the style name before I left. Luckily I only have to wear them for night driving and TV, so that is some good news!

WHO YOU CALLIN' FOUR EYES?